30 Allies in 30 Days

Hardy Girls Healthy Women is highlighting 30 Allies in 30 Days leading up to their SPARK Summit on how to fight the sexualization of girls in media.  You've got to check out all the inspiring things these women are doing and join them in their efforts! I'm honored to be included as today's sister ally.  See you at SPARK!

Guest Post: Beauty and Popularity

by Nancy Gruver

Peggy Moss’ wonderful new book, One of Us, got me thinking about the definition of beauty and how girls decide if they fit into it or not. The book takes us along with Roberta James, the lively and open main character, as she navigates the cliques on her first day at a new school.

As various groups tell Roberta that “you’re one of us,” only to say she doesn’t really belong with them as they learn more about her she begins to feel she doesn’t fit anywhere. Nearly all of us have felt like this one time or another. 

To soften the blow of rejection, Roberta even starts telling groups she doesn’t belong with them before they tell her that. She’s internalized the message that she can only be part of a group if she’s like them in every way.
Fortunately for readers, a group has formed around being different from each other. They welcome Roberta as she is. 

In its simplicity, the story provides wonderful opportunities for readers to observe and relate to the many differences between people. It gently conveys the limited divisions we impose on each other and encourages us to transcend them. 

One of Us will start great conversations with girls and boys of all ages who are seeking ways to make peace between who they are and who the outside world wants them to be.  Read it and share it. 

Nancy Gruver is Founder of www.newmoon.com - a creative online community and magazine for girls ages 8 and up where girls also like being different from each other, even when it’s hard.

The *real* beauty issue

Some great reading for girls...

Check out New Moon's mag issue on real beauty and recommend these books to girls you know for their summer reading list!

(Full disclosure: I'm a New Moon affiliate--but I am because I believe in what they do and want to promote it!)

Ms. Blog: Don’t Be Shamed by “The Weight Talk”

by Jessica Holden Sherwood

I recently had my annual physical, and I got The Weight Talk for the first time. Luckily, I had come prepared.  While driving to the appointment, I even rehearsed in anticipation.

When I got The Talk, I responded by saying that I will never count calories.  I asked the doctor in earnest why he would care about my weight if I had good health, good blood pressure and so on. I listened to his answers. And a week later, I sent him a copy of Health At Every Size (a book which also has a website).

After all this time, fat is still a feminist issue...

Read more on the Ms. Blog

Caught between casual sex and domesticity, women find regrets and false promises of empowerment

I'm liking this article by Jessica Grose, The Shame Cycle: The new backlash against casual sex, for the way she succintly ties feminist history and today's climate to real women's lives.

Grose talks about about why women might regret their casual sexual encounters and instead hanker for domesticity; one idea I want to add to that pot is--what ever happened to valuing the quality of relationships?  We don't think it's liberating, empowering, or fun to have a short, meaningless friendship, so why would having a sexual fling *not* take an emotional toll?  In wanting to be tough and independent, women have no space to think they deserve a loving, committed partner--and as Grose points out, when we crave that closeness with someone, we reprimand ourselves for being a crybaby who may as well aspire to '50s housewifery.  Women try so hard to deflect the demeaning stereotype of femininity as emotional PMS-induced hysteria, that we end up isolating ourselves socially.  And what exactly is powerful about that?

American pop culture tells us that sexuality is empowering.  But, in a way, not much has changed from women's powerless historical role: for today's Kill Bill-inspired feminists, sexuality remains wrapped in the pressure to *be sexy* for someone else...and to add insult to injury, we're now expected to somehow own and enjoy that feeling.

Rachel Simmons sums it up well in her post on hook-up culture, "As authors like Ariel Levy and Jean Kilbourne and Diane Levin have shown, the sexualization of girls and young women has been repackaged as girl power. Sexual freedom was supposed to be good for women, but somewhere along the way, the right to be responsible for your own orgasm became the privilege of being responsible for someone else’s."

Update:  More on the freedoms and debate about hook-up culture by Shira Tarrant.

New Moon "You Are Beautiful" ecard

From the wonderful girls' media company, New Moon: "This is just for fun and just in time for Valentines Day. Let people know they are beautiful just being themselves."

Create your own "You are Beautiful" ecard and make someone's day!

German women's magazine to ban professional models via Feministing

Reposted from Feministing:

Lately, Europe seems to be eons ahead of us regarding their recognition that the fashion and media having a significantly unhealthy effect on women's body image. The latest is Germany's most popular women's magazine's announcement of their intention to omit professional models from their pages in an effort to combat unrealistic social beauty standards:

The editor-in-chief of Germany's bimonthly Brigitte told reporters that, starting next year, the magazine will feature a mix of prominent women and regular readers in photo spreads for everything from beauty to fashion to fitness.
Andreas Lebert said the move is a response to readers increasingly saying that they are tired of seeing "protruding bones" from models who weigh far less than the average woman.
"We will show women who have an identity -- the 18-year-old student, the head of the board, the musician, the football player," Andreas Leberts said in Hamburg, where the magazine, published by Gruner+Jahr, is based.

I like this sentiment; we should humanize models not just as "more realistic" subjects of voyeurism. I just worry these kinds of efforts (cough, Dove, cough) often end up having some contradicting issues to contend with - like if the new magazine's campaign consists of shaming underweight women, that's not very productive either.
Either way, it's interesting to see how fast the efforts to combat body image issues and eating disorders are spreading among the fashion and media industries on one continent, while others (ahem) seem to be at a standstill.

Posted by Vanessa - October 06, 2009, at 10:14AM | in Body Image , International

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Fat Talk Free Week

Passing on word from the AED:

"Join AED and Delta Delta Delta in supporting Fat Talk Free˙ Week (FTFW), a five-day awareness campaign to challenge and begin to reverse the prevalent and damaging pursuit of the "thin ideal" by women of all ages.

The goal of FTFW, October 19-23, 2009, is to shed light on an underground and pervasive thought cycle practiced by many women by demonstrating how "fat talk" can damage self-esteem and set strong patterns of unproductive behavior.

The approach and interventions promoted during FTFW are based on the Reflections: Sorority Body Image program, a peer-led body image program developed through the joint efforts of AED members Carolyn Becker and Eric Stice and the Delta Delta Delta organization. The AED has endorsed this program as a model for community-based collaboration and the effective integration of research and practice. Reflections is active on 34 college campuses nationwide.

Interested in hosting your own FTFW event? Click here for details. 

Visit the Reflections Web site for much more, including tips for promoting positive body image, and more details on Fat Talk Free Week.

Academy for Eating Disorders
111 Deer Lake Road, Suite 100
Deerfield, IL 60015 USA
+1-847-498-4274"

Parents' role in fomenting kids' eating disorders

What do you think about this take?

http://www.channel3000.com/education/21154458/detail.html

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Vanity iPhone app

Seems like so much effort to "find out" if someone's beautiful by some inane mathematical standard... I mean, won't I just know if I find someone particularly striking?  And do we really need to spend more time making ourselves feel not-good-enough?  Aren't there so many better things to do with one's time, even *on* the iPhone itself?!

At least this app doesn't pretend to be about anything other than what it's about (it's not a Photoshopped ad that pretends to be real beauty), but rating oneself about *anything* on a scale of 1-10 seems really shallow and hurtful to me.  People are beautiful and amazing to be friends with because they're complicated, interesting, ever-changing, alive.  Calcifying human beauty with a score doesn't represent anything real or truthful, yet that human want to please and be at the top drives our curiosity to see what score we "are."

The score is meaningless anyway!  Go get an app where you can note all the great things about yourself, keep track of your talents, get loving messages from your friends--oh wait, I think that's called Facebook.

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New affiliation with New Moon!

I'm excited to announce my new affiliation with New Moon, a great ad-free magazine and web community where girls 8-12 can truly be themselves! Sign up for a free trial today!!

via newmoon.com

New Moon Girls is an online community and print magazine where girls create and share poetry, artwork, videos, and more; chat together; and learn. All in a fully moderated, educational environment designed to build self-esteem and positive body image. Membership is just $29.95 for 12 months unlimited online access + 6 bimonthly issues of New Moon Girls print magazine.

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Interview with Liz Funk, author of Supergirls!

Liz Funk, author of the new book, Supergirls Speak Out: Inside the Crisis of Overachieving Girls, is on a virtual book tour--and a mission to widen everyone's tolerance and respect for being the imperfect, interesting, great people we all are.

In this interview with yours truly, Liz talks about how girls today feel they need to be perfect, gives insight into why trying to be perfect diminishes quality of life and relationships, and shares some tips on how to cherish being genuine. Enjoy!


JB: You’ve done a lot of research and interviewing for your book, Supergirls Speak Out, where you indicate that many girls and women today feel they have to be perfect, or “supergirls” who can do and be everything. Why do they have this feeling? What is particularly going on in our society that makes women feel so pressured?

LF: Girls today want to be a perfect 10. They want to excel at everything they attempt; in short, they’re perfect. Sadly, I think many young women get the message from the media, from their peer groups, and most notably, from themselves, that they have to be perfect if they want to be loved. It’s largely caused by sexism in society (especially in high schools and teen youth culture), the media, and our fast-pasted culture that doesn’t really encourage young people to spend much solitary time alone with their thoughts—they’re too busy blogging, and tweeting, and Facebooking!

JB: Is this an issue unique to the current female generation? Or, how does it tie in with past generations’ struggles for gender equality?

LF: The first draft of my book actually had a chapter about how the Supergirl dilemma is nothing new; it’s just the new century’s version of “the feminine mystique” that plagued women in the 1950’s! However, the tone of the chapter didn’t quite work, so I cut it (my initial major in college was women’s studies, so sometimes I have a tendency to write in a very academic way and bring up Friedan and Dworkin when it’s not the right place to do it. Haha…). Anyway, I think that what we are seeing here with the Supergirl dilemma is actually the exact same problem as “the feminine mystique” with symptoms that are the exact opposite. In the 1950’s; women were told that there was one way to be a woman—to be a loving homemaker mother who kept herself extremely busy with being pretty, having the latest swirling skirts and washing machine, and jetting off to PTA meetings and social committees, all in an effort to distract herself from the fact that society’s prescribed role for women was very limiting. Today, girls are told that there’s one way to be a girl: be a good daughter who keeps herself extremely busy with being pretty, having the latest season’s miniskirt and sweaters from American Eagle and the Gap, and keeping extremely busy with school and work and extracurricular activities, all in an effort to distract herself from the fact that society’s prescribed role for women is very limiting. There is the obvious difference that in the 1950’s, young women weren’t encouraged to be smart or intellectual or leaders, and today, young women are required to be intellectual and leaders, but at the end of the day, I would argue that the Supergirl dilemma is the second major crisis for young women since “the feminine mystique” that mostly arose because feminism’s work hasn’t been finished yet. We need to teach young women that it’s good to be a girl, and that they don’t need to feel confined to adhering to a very limiting female ideal in exchange for their community or their peer group’s approval.

JB: In your opinion, how does today’s media play into how women feel about themselves? What particular sources have what effects?

LF: I think the biggest problem in today’s media is that the women in the media look perfect. Female celebrities have never been thinner—Lindsay Lohan, Hilary Duff, Nicole Richie, etc. etc.—but also, we’ve never had celebrities all conforming to one limiting female ideal before: long hair, charming and giggly, and not particularly rebellious, like Kate Hudson, Anne Hathaway, and Jennifer Aniston (although I do love all three of these actresses). I don’t think that Angelina Jolie could have ever gotten famous today in her punk-rebel stage, because every female celebrity we see is well-groomed and nice and extroverted. Also, there are a lot of fictional Supergirls that influence how the girls at home feel about themselves: Elle Woods in Legally Blonde, the girls of Gossip Girl, and even Hannah Montana—although these are lovable characters, they give even the youngest girls the idea that beauty and success are simultaneous requirements and that you should make it look as though both come easily.

JB: What role do you feel women have in contributing to each other’s self-esteem or lack of confidence?

LF: Once young women observe perfect women in the media, they emulate having a perfect exterior, and then that model of perfection starts to take off in peer groups. I think that once one girl in a social circle—whether we’re talking in high school, in college, or among twentysomethings—starts to appear effortlessly perfect, her friends and her peers try to imitate that, and it snowballs from there.

JB: What are the consequences of trying to be perfect for individual women, their relationships, and even society or the world?

LF: Statistically, more young women than ever before are considering suicide, and I think it’s no coincidence that this is happening simultaneously with the rise of Supergirls. There are other mental health repercussions that I observed amongst girls, like anxiety, eating disorders, OCD, and depression. And I think the broadest problem is not having a sense of self; not having an identity outside of being a Supergirl or a hard worker.

JB: What are some tips you have for girls and women to positively feel they can be and do whatever they want, without feeling they must be perfect?

LF: First and foremost, girls should get some hobbies. Find things that you enjoy and that you feel passionate about that have nothing to do with work. For example, I just took up the oboe, I love to paint, I love to go to art museums, I love to read novels, and I love stupid movies (like Grandma’s Boy, Superbad, and Little Nicky). Make collages with pictures of random things that you find intriguing. Turn off the lights in your room and listen to music with your eyes closed. Meditate. Find your center! And the most revolutionary thing women can do is look in mirror and say aloud, “I love you. I appreciate you. You matter.” Say it enough, and I think the Supergirls will start to mean it, and see their Supergirl selves fading away.

Young women need to find their sense of intrinsic worth—why they matter regardless of what they look like, what other people think of them, how they make others feel, and what they’ve accomplished. Everyone has worth and everyone has value, and girls need to realize that when they are sitting on their couch in their jammies at 3pm on Saturday afternoon with their hair greasy and their nail polish chipping, they are just as special and just as important as when their hair is blown-dry and they are in a minidress and leggings out on the town for the night with a cute date! What I recommend is that young women spend as much time as possible embracing their creativity, developing their tastes and their personality, and finding themselves! Young women need to find their value, and I think the best way to do that is to be alone with one’s thoughts, spend time alone with oneself, and start to enjoy spending time alone and enjoy listening to one’s internal monologue.

JB: You mentioned that, under the pressure to be perfect, girls and women are oftentimes afraid to be themselves. What are some ways girls and women can feel comfortable exploring and being who they are?

LF: I absolutely love the movie Juno. Casting aside the movie’s puzzling treatment of abortion, I love the character Juno and how unafraid she was to be herself; she liked guitars and punk music and sarcasm and funky clothes. And I think that if more girls could embrace their inner-Juno, and be exactly who they want to be, regardless of whether it would affect how others see them or their place on the social totem pole, we’d be in great shape.

Supergirls on lizfunk.com
Supergirls on Amazon

Barbie's 50, and never looked...er....worse

Check out this article from the BBC, What Would a Real Life Barbie Look Like?

The line that makes me the most sad is from Sarah Burge, a woman who has tried to become a real-life Barbie through plastic surgery: "At the end of the day you don't see a personality from across a room do you." Honestly, I would disagree.

Turn Beauty Inside Out!

I'm writing from Minneapolis, where the Turn Beauty Inside Out Leadership Retreat was held today. I was honored and lucky to lead a workshop with a group of 50+ awesome girls ranging in age from 10-17. As usual, what girls have to say continues to blow me away, and I am ever hopeful that since they are conscious of the need to get their voices out in the world (something the prior generation might not have been aware of, despite being told we could be anything we wanted to be), more and more positive change for girls and women will take place.

Together, we thought a lot about identity and how that feeds into our goals. Here are some thoughts from the girls!:

1. Identity is who we are and what we like
2. Identity is your "core" - it's important to hold onto that, since sometimes identity can be manipulated to make others like us more or less
3. Sometimes we feel pressure or expectations to be a certain person that isn't authentic
4. True identity can come out when we can express ourselves freely without feeling judged (like with good friends!)
5. Confidence comes from being touch with your real self
6. Adapting to situations is great; changing who you are to "fit in" hurts

And here are some traits that girls look for in leaders, and hope to lead the next generation with:
1. Courage
2. Self-confidence
3. Strength
4. Good listening
5. Out-spokenness
6. Uniqueness
7. Honesty
8. Focus
9. Cleverness
10. Power

Whoo! I vote for that...

We also talked about how many "leaders" (celebrities) today are simply noticed because they're sexy or appear a certain way - and acknowledged that those aren't really the things we wish the world revolved around.

I was truly touched to hear the girls' final thoughts about how meaningful the simple act of coming together today was. Finding commonalities amongst such a diverse group about how we all struggle to "be real" was very impactful. I love moments when girls and women can find each other and really see each other as allies rather than as competition, and today certainly seemed to be one of them.

And time spent watching girls create vision boards and positive self-messages with pom poms, glitter, and the like never fails to inspire me!

Love Your Body Day is Tomorrow!

My wonderful ladies at Hardy Girls Healthy Women are amongst the many groups celebrating Love Your Body Day tomorrow.  Here's a blurb from them if you want to join in the fun, and otherwise, I hope you have a great day celebrating in your own unique way!

Hardy Girls' Love Your Body Day Celebration and Open House is tomorrow, Wednesday the 15th from 4-6 pm. Stop in anytime between 4 - 6 pm and find out more about what we do, eat some yummy food, and play some games!

Don't Miss:
Door prize drawings every 15 minutes
The Hardy Girls Trivia Game at 5:00 pm
A scavenger hunt for prizes
Fun activities for all ages
Warm cider and yummy snacks

What is Love Your Body Day?

The NOW Foundation's Love Your Body campaign helps raise awareness about women's health, body image and self-esteem. Since 1997, Love Your Body has given girls and women the tools and the encouragement to "just say no" to the air-brushed, cookie cutter images that Hollywood and Madison Avenue are trying to sell.

On Oct. 15, NOW chapters and campus and community activists across the country are celebrating Love Your Body Day with actions and events

Hollywood and the fashion, cosmetics and diet industries work hard to make each of us believe that our bodies are unacceptable and need constant improvement. Print ads and television commercials reduce us to body parts — lips, legs, breasts — airbrushed and touched up to meet impossible standards. TV shows tell women and teenage girls that cosmetic surgery is good for self-esteem. Is it any wonder that 80% of U.S. women are dissatisfied with their appearance?

Women and girls spend billions of dollars every year on cosmetics, fashion, magazines and diet aids. These industries can't use negative images to sell their products without our assistance.

Together, we can fight back.

Celebrate Love Your Body Day with Us!

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Gallery

I just found out about the Lifeline Gallery, an online space where "survivors of suicide, suicide attempt survivors, those who struggled with suicidal thoughts, and those in the suicide prevention field [can] share their stories of hope and recovery" by speaking out through avatars. These avatars can be embedded in websites and blogs to help spread suicide support, which I hope will help to release the topic from its taboo status that so often leads to unnecessary and sad deaths.

This innovative project was created by Chris Gandin Le, the husband of an awesome feminist writer I know, Jennifer Gandin Le, and you can read more about it at the Crucial Minutae blog that she contributes to. In the Lifeline press release, Chris says, “If you can’t [talk about suicide], maybe your avatar can...The Gallery offers a safe platform for people who have traditionally stayed silent about suicide and mental health.”

You're Amazing!

I just got word from the awesome Claire Mysko at 5 Resolutions that her book for girls is out this week!

Claire writes: "You're Amazing! A No-Pressure Guide to Being Your Best Self is based on the Girls Inc. "Supergirl Dilemma" study, which shows that girls are feeling increasing pressures to be perfect and please everyone. Perfectionism is a major source of girls' stress (60% of girls in the study reported that they often feel stressed), low-self-esteem, and poor body image. That's the bad news. The good news is that with the right tools and support systems, girls can learn to give up the quest to be "super" and start celebrating what makes them amazing. My hope is that this book will help to kick-off that celebration. I would like to say a big, big thanks to you, dear readers! Your support and kind words have meant so much to me. Speaking of amazing...you all fit the bill."

To kick things off, Claire is doing a book giveaway for girls on her blog! Girls who post a comment about what makes them amazing will be entered to win an autographed copy of the book. The contest runs through July 7th and girls can enter here.

Woohoo for positive change!