[Re-post] The Dating Game: Sluts Don't Get to Be Happy

Just wanted to re-post this article from Bitch Mag by Megan Carpentier

 ...definitely some great food for thought for the ongoing debate. (I'm not saying I agree with all of it, but I like how she digs in and provokes thought.)

If you haven't heard, there's only one possible result when you're a "slut"—particularly if you have the audacity to do it without shame and—clutch your pearls, ladies—talk about it in a public forum.

 
Read more at Bitch Mag...

Caught between casual sex and domesticity, women find regrets and false promises of empowerment

I'm liking this article by Jessica Grose, The Shame Cycle: The new backlash against casual sex, for the way she succintly ties feminist history and today's climate to real women's lives.

Grose talks about about why women might regret their casual sexual encounters and instead hanker for domesticity; one idea I want to add to that pot is--what ever happened to valuing the quality of relationships?  We don't think it's liberating, empowering, or fun to have a short, meaningless friendship, so why would having a sexual fling *not* take an emotional toll?  In wanting to be tough and independent, women have no space to think they deserve a loving, committed partner--and as Grose points out, when we crave that closeness with someone, we reprimand ourselves for being a crybaby who may as well aspire to '50s housewifery.  Women try so hard to deflect the demeaning stereotype of femininity as emotional PMS-induced hysteria, that we end up isolating ourselves socially.  And what exactly is powerful about that?

American pop culture tells us that sexuality is empowering.  But, in a way, not much has changed from women's powerless historical role: for today's Kill Bill-inspired feminists, sexuality remains wrapped in the pressure to *be sexy* for someone else...and to add insult to injury, we're now expected to somehow own and enjoy that feeling.

Rachel Simmons sums it up well in her post on hook-up culture, "As authors like Ariel Levy and Jean Kilbourne and Diane Levin have shown, the sexualization of girls and young women has been repackaged as girl power. Sexual freedom was supposed to be good for women, but somewhere along the way, the right to be responsible for your own orgasm became the privilege of being responsible for someone else’s."

Update:  More on the freedoms and debate about hook-up culture by Shira Tarrant.

From the Feminist Daily Newswire, two gay rights items of note:

California Supreme Court Will Not Hear Appeal in Sexual Orientation Expulsion Case

The California Supreme Court ruled last week that they will not hear an appeal in a case where a private Lutheran high school in the state expelled two students in 2005 based on suspicions that the students were lesbians. The 4th District Court of Appeals ruled in January that the school legally expelled the students. According to the San Francisco Chronicle, Justice Kathryn Mickle Werdegar dissented.

According to an ACLU filing with the California Supreme Court, "The opinion could be construed, to contain a wholesale exemption for any private school that in its mission statement claims to 'inculcate [its students] with a specific set of values." The ACLU also wrote that the ruling confuses "when the Unruh act applies in the private school context" and also challenges "one of the express reasons Unruh applies to 'business establishments' -- the refusal of a private school to make its facilities available to African-American students," The Recorder reported.

The lower court's ruling PDF argues that although the California Lutheran High School accepts tuition, "it is not a business establishment within the meaning of the Unruh Act; hence it [can] legally discriminate based on perceived sexual orientation." The ruling relied heavily on a 1998 CA Supreme Court ruling that allows the Boy Scouts of America to legally exclude individuals on the basis of sexual orientation because the Boy Scouts are "not a business establishment within the meaning of the Unruh Civil Rights Act."

Maine Legalizes Same Sex Marriage

Governor John Baldacci signed a bill yesterday that legalizes same sex marriage in Maine. The state Senate voted 21 to 13 in favor of the bill in a final vote yesterday. The state House voted 89 to 58 earlier this week in favor of the bill.

Baldacci told reporters "In the past, I opposed gay marriage while supporting the idea of civil unions….I have come to believe that this is a question of fairness and of equal protection under the law, and that a civil union is not equal to civil marriage.", according to the Morning Sentinel. Prior to final passage of the bill by the state Senate, it had been unclear whether Governor Baldacci would sign the bill.

The law will go into effect in September, 91 days after the state legislature adjourns. However, under Maine state law, a people's veto effort can delay the law from going into effect. According to the Bangor Daily News, more than 55,000 valid signatures are needed to place a repeal of the law on the state ballot. A recent poll showed 47.3 percent of Maine residents support the same sex marriage bill and that 49.5 percent oppose the legislation, reported the Associated Press.

Maine is the fifth state to permit same sex marriage in the United States after Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, and Vermont. Similar legislation is currently under consideration in New York and New Hampshire.

Excessive Drinking is Apparently a Turn-Off to Guys

Brought to you by Australian Yahoo news: "Young women who think drinking to excess makes them more sexually attractive to men are mistaken, a new international study shows." Read on.

I love studies that show men are humane and have brains too. Gender equality both ways, folks.

And a quote from the article that seems relevant to much more than just who's drinking how much and for whom: " 'I don't want to portray that women are always out to do what men want ... but there is some confusion with equality being seen as having to act in the same way'." Concise and thought-provoking. In my opinion, feminism should not be about imitating men, but it can be an easy trap to fall into when there seems no other way to express female power.

Disturbing Images of the Day

From childhood "My Scene" (obscene!) dolls to boyfriend-tracking technology, here are my disturbing images of the day.

I don't even know where to start!

"Sniff," the boyfriend-finding application was advertised on the sidebar of Facebook...It truly creeps me out how technologies and programs that bring friends together also sort of encourage a culture of spying, gawking, making fun of, and intruding. (That said, I promise not to do any of those things on Facebook and would love to be your friend :)

The "My Scene" dolls are a shot from a photography show at NYU called "Buy Me Something." If you have a chance to check that out, please report back! It looks really interesting and thought-provoking and I do wish I could go. (I'm a big fan of how the arts can make such direct points in fresh ways.)

So yeah. Today's moral is...? Girls should objectify themselves, to try from a young age to look a certain way in the hopes that one day they'll be hot and fit into a "scene" (I can't really tell if this is supposed to be a beach party, night club, strip joint, or what); meanwhile, when you get there, your self-esteem is so low that you feel you need to stalk your own boyfriend. Why are boys not to be trusted? Why is a girl's boyfriend-choosing judgment supposedly so bad that she'd need to track him? (And what partner wants to be stalked?!)

None of this is healthy, folks.

The saddest part to me is, I'm sure little girls think those dolls are glamorous and gorgeous and love them because of that. There have been studies that show girls prefer dolls (and probably even friends!) that look "pretty." Hey, when I was a kid, I had one Barbie doll (a gift) - and she always went out on the town with her boyfriend while all the other toys and dolls had to stay home to mind the house, feeling inferior. Even if her body proportions were alien, at least she had the confidence to leave her boyfriend-tracking devices at home.

I'd love to hear your take! Thanks for reading and being your awesome, aware self. :)

Well if this isn't incentive, I don't know what is...

Apparently, guys who chip in with housework get more sex. Is it just me, or is it kind of obvious that helping out with chores leaves time for other (more fun) things? Glad we're all catching on.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080306/ap_on_re_us/sharing_chores