[Re-post] The Dating Game: Sluts Don't Get to Be Happy

Just wanted to re-post this article from Bitch Mag by Megan Carpentier

 ...definitely some great food for thought for the ongoing debate. (I'm not saying I agree with all of it, but I like how she digs in and provokes thought.)

If you haven't heard, there's only one possible result when you're a "slut"—particularly if you have the audacity to do it without shame and—clutch your pearls, ladies—talk about it in a public forum.

 
Read more at Bitch Mag...

Caught between casual sex and domesticity, women find regrets and false promises of empowerment

I'm liking this article by Jessica Grose, The Shame Cycle: The new backlash against casual sex, for the way she succintly ties feminist history and today's climate to real women's lives.

Grose talks about about why women might regret their casual sexual encounters and instead hanker for domesticity; one idea I want to add to that pot is--what ever happened to valuing the quality of relationships?  We don't think it's liberating, empowering, or fun to have a short, meaningless friendship, so why would having a sexual fling *not* take an emotional toll?  In wanting to be tough and independent, women have no space to think they deserve a loving, committed partner--and as Grose points out, when we crave that closeness with someone, we reprimand ourselves for being a crybaby who may as well aspire to '50s housewifery.  Women try so hard to deflect the demeaning stereotype of femininity as emotional PMS-induced hysteria, that we end up isolating ourselves socially.  And what exactly is powerful about that?

American pop culture tells us that sexuality is empowering.  But, in a way, not much has changed from women's powerless historical role: for today's Kill Bill-inspired feminists, sexuality remains wrapped in the pressure to *be sexy* for someone else...and to add insult to injury, we're now expected to somehow own and enjoy that feeling.

Rachel Simmons sums it up well in her post on hook-up culture, "As authors like Ariel Levy and Jean Kilbourne and Diane Levin have shown, the sexualization of girls and young women has been repackaged as girl power. Sexual freedom was supposed to be good for women, but somewhere along the way, the right to be responsible for your own orgasm became the privilege of being responsible for someone else’s."

Update:  More on the freedoms and debate about hook-up culture by Shira Tarrant.

Deisel is Stupid

Has anyone seen Deisel's new ad campaign, which plays on the age-old stupid = cool, sexy, and delightful / smart = nothing desirable, fun, or valuable?  I passed a slew of these in the subway, and decided to take a picture of this one--just a little sexism, promotion of irresponsible sexual activity, and the like--before going on my merry way.  Sigh.

Some more mixed messages for the feminist file...

 

Just got a kick out of this juxtaposition of articles on a women's site someone sent me.  No wonder we're all so confused!

Hottest Hip Hop Glorifies Pimping

Experts: Hottest Hip Hop Glorifies Pimping | Womens eNews

Source: www.womensenews.org

 

Hip hop is commercially hot, culturally influential and replete with references to pimping and prostitution. Critics say this not only sends teens a pro-pimp message, it puts some girls even more at risk for becoming prostitutes.

Egypt: 'Artificial Virginity Kit' Opposed

Yup.

INTERNATIONAL / MIDDLE EAST   | October 06, 2009
World Briefing | Middle East:  Egypt: 'Artificial Virginity' Kit Opposed
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Conservative lawmakers have called for a ban on imports of a Chinese-made kit meant to help women fake their virginity.

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Lessons on Sex? i.e. What my spam mail has to say on the topic

I get a lot of spam in my email. Today, instead of just grumbling about it, I began to actually *read* the subject lines on these emails, and they are really ridiculous. But obviously not that ridiculous, or someone wouldn't be writing them thinking that I'll open the email.

So let's see...I'm an alien from the next galaxy and I drop in to do a little anthro study on junk email topics. And imagine that, they're all about--sex. And they're all addressing men. And yep, they're all rather macho and violent, or at least James-Bond-sexy-dangerous. Here's a sampling:

"increase girth, length, and thickness"
"don't settle for anything less than 9 inches"
"length translates directly to happiness"
"cuum [sic] on her face longer and harder"
"penetrating deeper and harder"
"be a lethal weapon in the bedroom"
"you banged her while her guy waited"
...and the oh-so-believable "mariah carey wants to have your kids"

But how do these spammers propose males do these things? With pills and porn (and plastic surgery). And if you don't want to spend money trying to be SuperSexman, well shame on you. The "stop being the joke around town" type of subject lines I also see in my inbox imply that if you're not super macho, you'll be laughing stock. Which means women are laughing stock. And men who are caring are laughing stock. Couples who have loving sex are laughing stock. Just brilliant.

It's not healthy for men to feel this much pressure to be sexually aggressive, and it's not cool that insurance companies continue to cover costs of Viagra etc. while not covering birth control pills (not to mention medicines that help cancer patients and so on). When women spend money, effort, and time whittling themselves away into the "perfect" skinny body while men do the same to be bigger and more physically aggressive than ever, I'd say feminist work is really not done yet.

We all could benefit from a wider spectrum of acceptable behaviors, appearances, and ways of being. We should be free to just be who we are, since we're each all these things--simultaneously sweet, tough, sexy, powerful, and kind.

Well if this isn't incentive, I don't know what is...

Apparently, guys who chip in with housework get more sex. Is it just me, or is it kind of obvious that helping out with chores leaves time for other (more fun) things? Glad we're all catching on.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080306/ap_on_re_us/sharing_chores